A LEADERSHIP story?
How can you lead any and all situations – based on the great leadership examples?
What does the greatest leaders have in common?
Analyse any and all situations – and lead towards an aligned decision – situationally decided.
When you go towards the core of all situations. The start stands out.
We were all doing the same | “look to the leader” | behaviour – is one saying that comes to mind.
When something (anything) happens, a situation occurs, and now it need to be “solved/taken care of”, what now?
What is it that separate the leaders from all the other of us?
What does a leader do – that makes him or her to “take charge of the situation” so all the others being in the same situation – trust, and are inspired to follow – the leader that “rise to the occasion”?
Ok, lets stop, or go back, to the starting point of a situation. This morning I was explosion-like dragged into awakens state. I was in deep sleep – when Emma came storming in the door – we have a door between her bedroom and ours – in opposite directions in the hallway. She is sleeping in a room in the one end and we in the other (opposite end) as parents.
We have to wake up – it time to wake up – up up – stand up. And she threw herself into the bed between me and wifey, the dog came barging into the bed after Emma.
My wife went, without any reaction (it was her dog-walk-morning) stepped into the bathroom in the hallway, put on cloth and went out for the dogs morning routine, leaving me – with hyped up 13 year old teeny. Come on pappa we have to wake up – she kept pushing me with | while she was taking over the bed. My just woken up reaction was – a headace.. I was, my brain was – not ready for this overhyped start of the day… and with her pointy elbowes hitting my ribs, pushing me out of bed so landed on the floor next to the bed – waking up – kind of falling to the floor – stood up ANGRY!
What the hell are you doing – I yelled, calmly while I dragged the bed-sheet back to bed – and stood there looking with angry eyes at her – still hyped up..
So – sidestep – this never happened before – at least not this over hyped version of it – with the result of me falling out of deep sleep landing – from it – hard and surprised..
What the hell are you doing – get out of our bed – go in the kitchen and get yourself ready.
No, you are the parent – this is your job, mama is out with Mala – you make breakfast.
Booom.
There you got it – the situation.
And I – fucked up.
Walking to my office I thought about – leadership.
I know, nerdy, kind of strange – but I am an (always aspiring) Synergizer, a super-coach.
Let me humbly try to explain.
So, a “supercoach” is the next level from coaching – if you may – at least this is my definition – which would explain to you – the reader – what it is that I do – compared to a “normal coach”.
I have a business that grow synergizers. As end in mind – set – goal.. let me grow you through the process.
A real Synergizer is a very special kind of leader. A true Synergizer – is a person with the core mind-set of a person that leads others, in a certain kind of way.
This text is a starting part of the book – leading to – how do you grow leaders that are synergizers – as FIRST nature. All this will be explained in the book – now I am just trying to illustrate the difference between a coach and a Synergizer, and – I am disappointed with myself.
Situationally – I SEE| I am still far away from being a REAL Synergizer as FIRST nature.
First nature means that I have a core habit – my core personality trait is that I behave as a Synergizer as who I am.
First – a “normal coach” is someone with time to spare for thinking in situations. I would say up to 90% of situations have the time to both analyse and learn – while doing – it – the situational charge and solution – process. You and the coachee (I do this normally with most of my clients – but I am happy to say I have a few Synergizers as well).. a “normal coaching process is about 3 things
1 align the now status (with coachee – where are you now).
2 align on the end goal potential coachee want to grow towards (potential growth goal).
3 the step (growing towards the potential action – coaching – process).
THIS is before you get to
EXTREME GOOD COACHES – and I am having a goal to grow there – grow Synergizers.
A Synergizer – as first nature – is then a person that AS CORE BEHAVIOUR – as the first thing that comes to mind – as behaviour – is able to LEAD any and all situations.
Here is the point. What is a mind-set?
Again – will be explained later in the text how the process to the answer got there – but the answer is – a collection of values | a mind of set values – a mind-set is then a mind set | as core behaviour decision stearing tool. The core of you that makes you behave as you do.
Your mind is set – at some kind of decision guidance tool-set | a mindset is the tool-box in which you CAN meet the world.
So – when you do – the behaviour that you are – you do it from a core set of values/believes – that is then making you do what you do.
Again – will be explained in the book – later.
Let’s just say a mind-set is what makes you do what you do. As first nature. The strongest habit that steer everything else in you.
What is your mind-set starting point?
And how was it – the starting point – the MOST IMPORTANT THING – for you – that makes you YOU – how was it – set?
Well – quick version (more later) is that you are a result from the combination of biology and culture (behaviour guidance experiences). You are what you are born as + the choices that are made adjusting the person you are now – into that – YOU.
This is also the point – who are you = how do you behave. Always.
You are your habits. In crises you fall back to – your core habits.
Mine was – with the teeny morning wake up – explosion – experience, that I – when pushed – react, and still not as I want, as a real – a true leader – with
?
When I crisis hit – a situation occur – you do – what? How is your FIRST reaction – your first nature – when an extreme situation occur?
The situation – which was original and new – it had never happened before – as such – and I fucked up.
A minute.
I dragged myself out of bed – with Emma yelling at me – don’t behave like this to me – my wifey came into the situation – me going out of the room – she into it – and Emma in the middle.
I fucked up – a minute.
A minute later – coming out of the living room – where I had put my cloths on – and calmed my brain down – breathing makes that to you – it stresses down the body so the brain can choose how it thinks..
Emma sat now by the kitchen table – wifey and dog was on the othes side of our small kitchen – and I came in –
Sorry..
Sorry Emma.. she looked up at me – was there a tear??
Ashamed I sat down with my head a bit down –
Not really the material of a leader
Synergizer..
Or?
Well – we are humans, we do this – fuck up, how are you then defined as different?
How quickly can you learn – and adjust?
1 minute.
Too long – yes
But that is what I got
And 15-20 minutes later – the teeny was well tucked in bed (our bed) – while the fever that she had – was sending wifey to call the school – she is not coming today.
Walking to work – I thought about this. That is my daily reflection time.
Leadership!
Synergizer.
Super coach.
I fucked up – this is what I learned.
A true leader – is defined by – the start
Of ANY and all situation – starts.
THESE where the process steps – reflections – that was growing through my mind – as I walked..
Conclusion?
The FIRST nature of a true leader is CALMNESS.
Deliberate calm – in all situations – is what defines the greatest of us.
Think about it – I did – what have the greatest leaders of time – and I dig deep – and tried to analyse the different people I had as coachees – what can I get from
The CEO`s – there are 4-5 of them | then other C-suite | top leaders
The middle management – leaders
The low level delivery managers – bottle neck managers
The football manager, player, coach
The ambassador, teacher, high(est) level of computer coder, the normal person, wife, husband, teeny, child,
I have many different coaching situations – I do life, business, sport – coaching, and it all comes down to this.. learning
There is a different between people that have time and possibility to learn from what and how they do – and the top leaders that don’t.
Time is an asset – how can you – optimize it | Synergizer level of coaching | coaching is for the people with time to use to grow using situations
And TOP LEADERS that don’t – have time to “spare” for learning
Synergizing – the newest form or “coaching”..
A top leader – learnings – reflections from coaching top leaders – when I reflected on what they need the most.. it comes down to TIME
And they don’t have it
There is no time to choose – to sit and think for 10-15 – 30 minutes.. sometimes it is about minutes, even second
How do you react – to any situation – that went well – I have asked, and I will keep doing so
The answers are the same
Calm – start
A leader is someone that can meet any and all situations – head on – with the same stoic calmness.
Think about it.
You want to be in a situation – with someone that “takes charge” by being the calm in whatever storm-situation you are in.
The human body and brains FIRST biological response to “dangerous/unknown” situations – is stress – stress is the biological response to all “extreme situations” – this means the body and brain is pumped up – blood, hormones, everything in the body is “optimized” to meet the situation in hand.
The OTHER thing that stress does is that is sends cortisol into the brains bloodstreams (overly simplified) | you could say that stress makes the brain dumb, simplifying the reaction options. Into three F-s responses called reflexes. Freeze – fight – flight | and my fight response to the too quick, brutal, early wake up call was FIGHT!
What are you doing – and .. not calm is the fuck up.
A leader – someone that can as FIRST nature – are calm in the facing of ANY stormy situation.
First – to lead – you need to bring CALM to the situation of heat.
Breath. Slow the stress response down. Stress is a feeling of out of control. THIS – the feeling of out of control is then translated into the three F-s. fuck ups if you may.
Because. It is not so – that this is the ONLY choice you have (the 3 F-s)..
Victor Frankl was a holocaust survivor. Read his book.
Short version again – more in the text later.
There is a space between stimuli (something happens) and your response (what you do – based on the stimuli). You ALWAYS have a choice. There is ALWAYS TWO OPTOINS – the thing you want to do – and the opposite. Yes and no. Doing this – or not doing this.
Yelling to your daughter because she is a teeny (sorry again Emma).. or NOT doing that.
A leader – a person that takes any situational charge – that adds value always – a synergizer. Is someone that are deliberately calm – as first nature.
A leader – starts – with the mindset of – calmness – is the start. Always.
So – in any storm – start with. Breath.
Grow the buffer of choice as your core habit number 1 – so when stimuli (any situation) occur – and that is life – IT WILL – situations, different ones happens ALL THE TIME – that is living. What do you DO with that – any situation, is – what separate us from each other.
A true leader – is someone that over time – at least – learn – to calm the fuck down – as the start. So you grow a buffer between something happens and your response.
Here is how
- Stop – what can I do now. How can I add value in THIS situation?
The funny part (not really funny I have to admit) | is – to learn to be situationally calm always – is a story of fuck ups.. but how long you have to get – the learning into different action – I use 1 minute (too much) – is what separate us. I guess. I don’t know – but I try to grow ..
What is your experience? Are you a true (calm) leader | person | that add value always?
Improvement starts with self-awareness. The iceberg reflection serie number 10 – landing.
SO – stop – WHAT CAN I DO NOW = STEP 2 | acting out – calmly.. With this – leadership – Synergizer – tip. Calm – breath. Learn what is your mind-set – status of now? Do you know the 5 different levels of a person?
1.Inner – define who you want to be – write the end-goal | with core principles/habits.
2. Outer – how does people see you – how do you want them to see you?
3. Brain – how do you think – why – how can you thing better (7M stress control) and smarter (7 B creativity ide-realisers).
4. Mindfullness – how emotional are you – feelings are never wrong – but why are they – how to behave – calmly – always?
= 5 CORE self-regulation training – how do you stay calm as first nature – always?
Ask yourself – what can I do now (in this situation) | calm yourself down. Do – calmly – be what people need – now – in any and all situation – FIRST. I fucked up – 1 minute – and we solved it – together. I gave Emma a hug.. and went to work – writing this as first action of the day.
Fuck up is just feedback – or?