What are you trying | to say or do (or are you combining these two)?
Communication is so simple if you get it.
What do you want? Act according to IT (what you want). That’s it.
Jurgen Habermas was right – it is simple, but also not easy. He said – simplified with respect, when you communicate – be aware, that it is a social action, and there are other human beings in the situation – that also bring their uniqueness into play if you let them.
Are you merely uttering words to “look good or powerful” or are you just sharing information you, after listening and reflecting – think also could have value for the contestants?
What do you want? As in – what is the reason for you communicating the way you do, saying and behaving as you do?
Do you want me to do something specifically – because you think you are right, and what you are “coming up with” is the only right thing? OR do you communicate for the other to increase the chance for optimal communication, adding or subtracting mere information so you, based on you and your situation, can choose what is YOUR best, most optimal, situational action?
Do you have a “better, more important” point – that is strongly articulated because YOU are right and your view on the other is that he or she is in need of your points? OR are you respectful and have no objective correct view – as you are aware that where the other person is and comes from – is not in your scope? Do you weigh your words – for acting according to what you interpret the situation to be? Or not, as in tactically – act for “your best” interest?
Habermas have one crucial point, from my point of view – and I have the same goal as I believe he had, that through communicative action you should try to bring your information forward, but only as a social interaction, not as a normative more or less optimal version of facts. He states that through social interaction and communication, individuals should grow their own opinions, and participants in this communication should have that in the forefront of their minds. Their opinions are that – one side of the many facetted sides of a challenge. He suggests, in my humble interpretation of his communicative action theory – that we should all bring our points forward but through the different communicative actions – try to improve the discourse, the communication that is going on – in order for all participants to grow their thoughts and ideas and communicate them freely.
So – what do you want? Is a question – do you want to reflect together with others, argue for your side, but be open for other sides – OR rationally force people`s hands by “better communication”?
The five aspects of communicative actions can be seen as;
Written communication.
Verbal communication.
Non-verbal communication.
Listening communication.
Visual communication.
How you put your communication points forward – is through these five aspects of your communication.
A couple of examples.
When you write something – is it for information purposes, for reflection purposes, for power points? Do you write short, long, sentences? Are you, as I tend to do too much – using “challenging words” to get attention – my list LinkedIn post was named “I fucked up, but that is ok”… trying to get readers through mere wording?
How do you use your voice, are you heightening your pitch when using certain words, are you raising your voice (I have a strong bass voice – it sounds as misuse of power when I am energetic – is my argument, my daughter reads it as I am angry) or lowering your voice in certain places in the communication – slowing down.. does it matter to the point you are arguing for or against?
How do you use your body and position, as examples, are you using nonverbal strategically to influence others? Moving next to them, standing over them – open up your arms, fold your arms, roll with your eyes, turn your back to them..
When you listen, are you looking at the person speaking, or away, are you actively listening (sometimes you ask clarification questions) or just passively sitting there?
Are you using pictures and stories to create a visual picture of something? Some people say that words are logically speaking to the left (logical) side of the brain and visual is talking to the right (creative) side of the brain.. I don’t know – do you?
What do you want?
A result now.
A reflection – towards a certain result later?
Do you want to bring information into the conversation – non-weighted?
So – when you go into a meeting – try to plan for a point. And communication accordingly.
My point – is information.
And an illustration that maybe you like this? (not direct sale – but.. kind of;-D
It is ok to lose an argument – but not yourself.. or? Who are you?